If Only Tears Could Bring You Back
by Sailor Aurora Helios
Summary: Satoshi, 16, is wandering alone and finds himself in a park. He finally confronts Shigeru wanting to know why their friendship ended. ((Songfic! YAOI! SHISHI! Song by Midnight Sons)) (I don't own Pokemon, This song, or the artist.)


If Only Tears Could Bring You Back

By: Sailor Aurora Helios

_How will I start,  
Tomorrow without you here?_

            Satoshi stared silently. Golden brown eyes focused on the celestial heavens above. He did not know how late it was, but he couldn't sleep, he rarely ever could. Raven colored hair swayed lightly in the breeze. He shivered, though not so much from the temperature around him.  He wasn't sure he could start the new day. Satoshi wondered how on Earth he was able to start all those new days in the past. He tore his gaze from the stars above to stare at his hands in his lap. 

  
_Who's heart will guide me,  
When all the answers disappear?_

            "What am I supposed to do?" Satoshi whispered to himself. He was alone, not even his ever loyal pikachu was with him at the moment. Satoshi had been so confused for the past, what was it now? Six, Seven years? What had happened? Satoshi just couldn't figure that out. What had he done wrong? The sixteen year old let out a soft, longing sigh. He needed someone to be here with him, to guide him through what he'd been feeling for so long now.

_Is it too late?  
Are you too far gone to stay?_

            Satoshi stood shakily, arms wrapped around him protectively. A shiver ran up Satoshi's spine as he began walking back towards the city he was currently staying at. He knew he had caught a glimpse of someone earlier that day. Satoshi had easily made sure to avoid the person, not up to the taunting and childish name-calling.  But now, he was quickly making his way through the city. He needed to come to terms, and figure out what had happened so long ago. He also needed to admit some things.

  
_Best friends forever,  
Should never have to go away._

            His pace quickened. Where would the person be staying? Satoshi had no clue, but he had to find him. Satoshi had to find him before he left the city and was on his way again. 

            "What happened!?" He called to no one. He found himself standing in a small park. Satoshi shivered, pulling his thin jacket closer around him.  His gaze stared at the jungle gym, brightly colored paint beginning to chip off the old metal. He focused on the swing set further back, a light snow dusting it. "What ever happened to 'best friends forever'!? What did I do wrong?" Satoshi called out again, his voice trailing off near the end.

_What will I do?  
You know I'm only half without you.  
How will I make it through?_

            Satoshi slowly walked over to the barren swing set. He lightly brushed the snow off the seat and sat on the swing, lightly rocking back and forth. He glared at the ground barely containing the overflow of emotions. Satoshi bit his lip to keep from saying another word aloud. Trembling hands gripped the chains of the swing and tightened around them. 

            "I don't think I can do this anymore…" Satoshi's voice was but a whisper that carried delicately on the wind to probably be heard by no one else.  His eyes closed lightly for a moment.

_If only tears could bring you back to me.  
If only love could find a way._

Hot tears slowly made their way down Satoshi's cheeks. He hung he head so as no one could see the boy crying, though it was obvious. He opened his eyes to see a tear fall to land delicately on a flower below him. Satoshi had not even noticed the small flower, bravely staying in bloom as the bitter cold snow fell about it.  He sighed heavily and looked up at the sky. His tear streaked face shown in the dim moonlight. 

  
_What I would do, what I would give,  
If you returned to me someday,  
Somehow, someway._

"I'm so pathetic…" Satoshi muttered, a smile playing at his lips. He sniffled and wiped at the tears. "Boys shouldn't cry. Then again, I shouldn't be feeling like this in the first place.  It's not like I chose to feel like this, it just happened. Look at me, talking to myself like this. Oi, can't you see what you do to me? Like you care. I can't stop thinking of you, and it's becoming worse everyday." Satoshi had lapsed into a uneasy silence. His foot idly kicked the snow on the ground.

"I'd do anything to see him again, to speak with him and not be teased. I'd do whatever I was asked, if only to be his friend again." Satoshi whispered. He closed his eyes and again fell into silence.

_  
If my tears could bring you back to me._

Satoshi opened his eyes again as a tear fell onto his hand. He glared at the tear and stood abruptly. He kicked the ground, angry with himself.

"Damn it! What's the point in crying all the time!? It hasn't gotten me anything! Sitting around and crying will never bring him back, so why is it that I can't seem to do anything but that!" Satoshi said angrily into the night. With a sigh he shoved his hands into his pocket.

_I'd cry you an ocean,  
If you'd sail on home again._

            Satoshi just shook his head and sat back down on the swing. The boy nonchalantly drew in the dirt with his toe. He stared at the design on his sneakers before looking back to the dirt. He looked up and chuckled softly,

"I'll probably cry an ocean and drown the whole world." He said with a slight smile, but the humor slowly faded away and he sighed again.

  
_Wings of emotion,  
Will carry you, I know they can._

"I wonder if he feels the same. No, that's BS you hear in a romance novel and junk." Satoshi muttered and slowly looked around the park. The slightest of smiles crossed his lips as he thought about the idea. 

"If only… If only…" He said with a wistful sight.

_Just let love guide you,  
And your heart will chart the course._

A silent form watched Satoshi in the darkness. The black figure stood tall, head held high. The cold wind did not even faze him. He wore black jeans, and a long sleeved black turtle neck. His arms were crossed lightly over his chest. He was not sure how or why he had ended up in this little park but he did. He was surprised to see Satoshi here, he wasn't even aware the raven haired boy was in this city. The boy slowly found himself inching towards Satoshi. 

  
_Soon you'll be drifting,  
Into the arms of your true north._

Satoshi looked up suddenly, he blinked having had the strangest feeling someone was watching him. No one was here; at least he didn't think so. He slowly turned and saw a figure in black standing over him just a couple feet away. Satoshi's eyes grew wide as he recognized the person.  He twisted around in the swing before trying to get up and his sudden movements resulted in him landing on the ground, tangled with the swing.

"Shi… Shi… Shigeru!" Satoshi stammered in surprise. He looked away wiping at his eyes, trying to hide the tears. He wasn't going to be caught crying in front of his rival. Satoshi looked up towards Shigeru and noticed the corners of Shigeru's lips were curved up ever so slightly. Shigeru appeared amused, rather than wearing his normal cruel or cocky smirk. Then Shigeru did something unexpected, he leaned down to help Satoshi up.

"Hello, Satoshi." Shigeru said quietly. "…Long time no see." He quietly began walking towards the jungle gym.  He glanced back at Satoshi before looking away. "What are you doing around here anyways? Still training, ne?"

"I was just out for a walk. Of course I'm still training! I could probably beat you, Shigeru! I know I could!" Satoshi replied. Shigeru snickered softly and leaned against the jungle gym, facing Satoshi. 

_Look in my eyes,  
And you will see a million tears have gone by,  
And still they're not dry._

            Satoshi walked over to stand a few feet in front of him. He smirked a bit, expecting Shigeru to begin his insults, but Shigeru just stared off into the distance. He always was pretty quiet, but something seemed so different.  He gave off this presence, like he was alone. 

            "Where are you cheerleaders?" Satoshi asked quietly. Shigeru shrugged and looked away.

            "They stopped traveling with me when I lost a battle or two." He said nonchalantly and turned back to face Satoshi. An awkward silence fell upon the two as they took in the others presence.

            "Satoshi, why were you crying?" Shigeru whispered, staring over at him. In the moonlight he could see the dried tears on the boy's cheeks, and the light flush that quickly grew. Satoshi looked away and mumbled incoherently.

            "Look at me, Satoshi." Shigeru ordered and stepped towards him. Satoshi slowly looked up at him. Shigeru stared into his rivals eyes; he could tell he had been crying. Shigeru didn't even need to have seen him to know. The unshed tears were still there. Shigeru cursed himself silently.

_If only tears could bring you back to me.  
If only love could find a way._

            "I… Shigeru… We used to be best friends. The inseparable two, the invincible two. Then one day… you just stopped talking to me. You said… You said that you… never wanted to speak to me again. Do you hate me?" Satoshi whispered. Never once did he avert his gaze. Shigeru stood there, taking in his rivals words. He bit his lip and stepped closer.

            "No. I could never hate you. Please don't think that, Satoshi." Shigeru's voice was soft and wavered. He was unsure what he should do. He could always take the biggest chance of his life, but what if that only made a fool of himself? 

  
_What I would do, what I would give,  
If you returned to me someday,_

"Then why did you stop being my friend? If you didn't hate me how could you say all those mean things to me in the past!? Do you have any idea how many times I thought of what I could do to be your friend again!?" Satoshi shouted, taking a step back. Shigeru looked away and said nothing.

"Tell me why, Shigeru!" Satoshi shouted again. The tears in his eyes were threatening to over flow again.  He shook a bit from the force of the emotions he had buried away breaking loose, or perhaps it was from the cold. Shigeru stared at the ground and mumbled quietly.

"What was that?" Satoshi crossed his arms to glare at Shigeru. He hated him so much sometimes. Usually Shigeru was so straight forward and always answered questions. Why was not different? What was making Shigeru so… uneasy?

"Because I love you!" Shigeru shouted, staring over at Satoshi.

  
_Somehow, someway.__  
If my tears could bring you back to me._

"Na-Nani!?" Satoshi gasped. His eyes had gone very wide and he stumbled back. Shigeru grabbed his wrist to keep him from falling over. Shigeru pulled Satoshi towards him and gently leaned down and his lips pressed lightly against Satoshi's.

"I love you, Satoshi. I always have. I'm so sorry. I… I didn't understand what I was feeling back thing. So I thought if I just cut myself off from you than it would all go away." Shigeru whispered as his hand caressed Satoshi's cheek. Satoshi gazed up at Shigeru wondering if this was real. He leaned into Shigeru's touch slightly as the boy continued speaking. 

"But it didn't. I couldn't stop thinking of you Satoshi, no matter how hard. I beat the crap out of myself for every cruel thing I said to you. I'd grown to hate myself for hurting you. I can understand if you don't return my feelings, I don't deserve to know someone like you. I can understand if you… uhm, don't… 'swing that way' if you know what I mean." Shigeru stepped back and stared at Satoshi, quietly waiting what would happen next. 

_I hold you close,  
And shout the words I only whispered before._

Satoshi frowned slightly as Shigeru pulled away. 

"Shigeru…" He whispered. He ran forward and wrapped his arms around the taller boy's waist. His face was buried in Shigeru's chest and he had started crying again.

"Sato…?" Shigeru asked, looking confused. Satoshi looked up at him and wore a huge smile as tears fell down his cheeks. Shigeru noticed a snowflake land on Satoshi's eyelashes, the raven haired boy appeared so happy.

"I love you! I love you and only you, Ookido Shigeru!" Satoshi shouted happily. He hugged the boy close and leaned up to return the kiss. A light snow began to fall about the two boys. 

  
_For one more chance, for one last dance,  
There's nothing that I would not endure._

"Gomen nasai, Sato… I'll never treat you like that again. I promise I'll make it all up to you somehow." Shigeru said and wrapped his arms around the smaller raven haired boy.

"Don't hate yourself for it, Shigeru. Perhaps it's better that it did happen. We didn't understand what we were feeling back then." Satoshi sighed and leaned against Shigeru. He didn't think he could ever feel happier.

_If only tears could bring you back to me._

Shigeru wrapped his arms around Satoshi as they walked away from the park. This seemed like some type of moment from a sappy romance novel, but Shigeru knew even fantasy's couldn't feel this good. Shigeru smiled as he led Satoshi towards where he was staying.

  
_If only love could find a way._

Satoshi blinked slowly as he found himself at the door to a hotel room. Was this were Shigeru was staying? Satoshi slowly walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Shigeru smiled and sat down beside him.

"I… I don't think I can stay long. If pikachu wakes and I'm not there…" Satoshi began to say but was silenced by Shigeru's finger over his lips.

"Don't worry, koi." He looked towards a sleeping black form in the corner of the room. "Umbreon!" He called and the pokemon sat up.

"Go find Satoshi's pikachu and stay with it. We'll come to you guys later." The umbreon nodded and slinked through the shadows and disappeared from sight. Shigeru turned back, he smiled warmly as Satoshi's fingers entwined with his. 

"I love you." Satoshi murmured as Shigeru pulled him into his lap. Shigeru kissed him lightly.

"Aishiteru, koibito. Aishiteru… more than anything in the world, Sato-Chan, my koi." Shigeru whispered. He deepened the kiss, asking for entrance. Satoshi's lips parted, allowing the Shigeru entrance. Shigeru reached over clicking off the lamp that had been left on as he pulled Satoshi to lay down in the bed with him. 

  
_What I would do, what I would give,  
If you returned to me someday,  
Somehow, someway,  
If my tears could bring you back to me._

~*~Authors*Notes~*~

*grinning insanely* Wow. The ending became…. Can that be considered a lime? MWH HAHA! LOOK PEOPE! IT'S SAP! IT'S NOT DARK SUICIDAL ANGST! MWH HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ^____^ I love ShiShi! Wheeeee I finished it. I actually LIKE this fic.

Please review!

~Kate~


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